Amazing Grace
by Kirabaros
Summary: The crazy is gone thanks to Cas and yet Sam cannot help but think about everything especially how lucky he is considering things could have been worse. Good thing Angie is in his life.


**Amazing Grace**

There was a popular phrase that people liked to use. It sounded useless at times but this time, it had a grain of truth. There was silence. The images in the mind were there but the crazy was silent. It was golden and left a lot of room to think. Sam looked up at the ceiling in the darkness, tired but slowly taking in the fact that he didn't have Lucifer driving him worse than crazy.

When he let Lucifer in, that opened the gate and the sleepless nights. His coffee intake was slowly getting to the point of strong mud or engine sludge. Then he had to take off running because of what he saw. Dean once said that the kind of people that hunted monsters were crazy people and that they were insane. Granted he was under that ghost virus, at the time in the loony bin, it made sense while Lucifer taunted him as Dean paid a visit and told him to get pissed or at least see her.

Well he did get pissed at Dean's suggestion of seeing her. He was just too tired to show it. There was no way that he would let her see him like that. It was stupid to think that since she had seen him but looking back, part of it was because he didn't want to see her looking like him because it hurt too much. It always did and she knew that and tried to hide it from him but he saw and he could feel.

Sam sighed as he moved his thoughts forward. The crazy was gone but the memories were still there. That was one thing that Cas couldn't fix or shift. Sam immediately felt guilty that Cas took the crazy unto himself but it was tangled with the shock that he felt when he saw a reaction from her; the first in weeks. He had been tired but he noticed that her movements mirrored his and that she was just getting by. Bobby mentioned something like that when they did the hand thing.

One of the more intense memories of the Cage came to mind. Sam remembered that because she was there. It was Michael's turn to have fun with him and Adam. Unlike Lucifer, Michael liked the physical torture. Sam flinched slightly at the memory because Michael was strong and he let everything out. What she didn't take, it hit him and Adam. That was the moment she changed though. Michael made her bleed. It was like watching the memories through a lens.

Then coming back from the Cage was rough. He was fine but she had to suffer until they found a solution. He had the wall from Death. She had to build one and she did. That didn't mean that he liked the situation but he helped in what ways he could, how little they were, not realizing that it was a huge thing for her. When the wall came down, it was then he finally understood as he put himself back together. Dean told him what happened after the wall came down and he collapsed into that realm of unconsciousness.

The funny thing was that even while he was working to put himself back together, he always felt that she was there. Granted he didn't see that part of her that was his until the end, it was reassuring. When the hallucinations started, it was Dean who told him how to tell the difference and even gave clues as to what she would say. The hand thing worked… right up until he let Lucifer in.

Sam made a slight shift in his position as he continued to stare up at the ceiling. When Cas shifted the crazy, it was a relief but what Sam didn't tell Dean was that he could have been worse off. The crazy that Cas now had was probably more intense than what Sam had. Sam knew this because he saw.

With everything going on, it had been unnoticeable. Sam wasn't even sure when they were placed there but it became evident when the crazy left. It was no wonder she was falling like he was. She had been building walls in his mind but using that part of her. No wonder Cas couldn't detect it when he said the original wall had crumbled like dust. It was like in the Cage. She protected him. It was why he held out longer than what was to be expected. If he had suspicions, her reaction was her reaching out to help Cas.

It was her selflessness that was one of the reasons he fell for her. It will always be a regret that he didn't see it sooner but it was superseded by the fact that he did see it. Even with all the crap that he and Dean both laid on her, she still gave and forgave them. He couldn't help but remember when she tracked him down and told him about her time in hell and the demon blood thing. Her lesson on forgiveness always stuck with him and he was sure that it stuck with Dean too even though he was pissed that Dean kept his killing Amy from him.

It scared him how easily it was for demonic influence to make it seem like she never existed when Becky drugged him. It made him wonder if it was meant to be. It also served as a reminder of what she was to the angels and the things that he found out from an unlikely source. He never said a word but he couldn't help but think and worry until he reminded himself of his conversation with Gabriel that night.

Something shifted and Sam felt a familiar warmth press against his body. He didn't have to look but he did because he wanted to. Looking down, he found her pressed against him, her head resting on his chest and her hand right where his heart was and he couldn't help but smile softly as he adjusted his arm to hold her against him and he pulled the covers up to cover her bare shoulders.

Sam didn't doubt. She knew; she always knew when he or Dean had a problem. Even in her sleep she was telling him things were okay and that she would always be there. He didn't doubt that since she had more than once had told Michael to stick it where the sun doesn't shine. She even did it in multiple languages to make a point.

Feeling sleepy at last, Sam looked down and nuzzled her dark hair. It had grown longer the last couple of years and hell gave it highlights but she was still beautiful. He could smell the scent of wild roses that was as distinctive as the different types of monster blood she could sort out. Yet the roses were her; they always were and the scent clung to her even when she was in the thick of battle. It was soothing and reassuring and in Sam's mind the sum of everything she was.

He gave her head a kiss as he wove his fingers into hers and whispered, "I love you Angie. I always will."

Sam closed his eyes holding onto her and drifted into the realm of dreams. Through the fog he could make out her figure. It cleared to reveal her smiling as if she had been waiting for him. "Took you long enough," she said. "I was beginning to wonder if you actually were asleep."

Sam couldn't help but smile as he joined her. She was the most amazing person and he loved her greatly. Time and time again she had saved his ass; both physically and mentally. He would even stretch it to the emotional. Even though he wasn't particularly religious and neither was she, he still prayed and he thanked God for bringing her into his life. She was an amazing grace and he was glad the crazy was gone so he could see that again.

* * *

**A/N:** Just some late night thoughts after Cas shifted the crazy from Sam as well as some cute fluff of appreciation.


End file.
